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Old 07-12-2011, 07:22 PM   #1
witttom
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Post Kessel Run Boarding

Last Tuesday July-5, Thom Boles (BMW R1100RSL), Kevin Mays (Ducati ST2), and myself (Triumph Trophy) where zipping across Pennsylvania on the first leg of our Northeast Tour. We pushed East on I-70, making fairly long strides in relatively short time. We took I-99 North to cut across the State. PA Super Slabs leave plenty of time for your mind to wander, so I did some daydreaming and wrote a short story.

STAR WARS: Kessel Run Boarding

The Millennium Falcon, Slave-1, and a Y-Wing Starfighter were making the Pennsylvania... errr, I mean the Kessel Run. Now I'm sure many have looked upon the Millennium Falcon and have only seen a piece of junk. She may not look like much, but I assure you she's still got it where it counts.

The three ships were making a run through this section of space where the Galactic Empire has imposed a 0.55-parsec/min limit. Many freighters were running over 0.7-parsec/min without attracting much attention from the Empire Fleet, but these three ships were travelling somewhere between 0.9 and 1-parsec/min. As they approached and passed a group of starship freighters, the Millennium Falcon and Slave-1 overtook an unmarked Galactic Empire Star Cruiser. Slave-1 has the sensors to detect these cruisers, but this particular cruiser was running in silent mode and looked very much like the other freighters. The Y-Wing was hanging back and noticed the Star Cruiser taking notice of the lead ships.

The Star Cruiser broke out of the freighter formation, and matched the 1-parsec/min speed of Slave-1. The Millennium Falcon was completely unaware of the events taking place and continued to accelerate through an upward gravitational pull, well above 1.1-parsec/min. After breaking away from the increased gravitational pull and observing a vast open space in front of the ship void of any asteroid fields, the Millennium Falcon made the jump to Hyperspace. The original instrumentation on the Millennium Falcon was displaying 1.43-parsec/min, but the Garminian Interstellar travel computer logged an accurate 1.3-parsec/min pass.

The amount of distance that the Millennium Falcon can transverse at 1.3-parsec/min is somewhat difficult to comprehend, but unknown to the Millennium Falcon (but witnessed by Slave-1 and the Y-Wing), the Star Cruiser had made the jump to Hyperspace as well and was trying to cover those vast distances in the shortest amount of time too. Even though the Millennium Falcon was transporting a fair amount of cargo, it was doing quite well at 1.3-parsec/min and probably would have gone even further. Far far away however, a larger freighter made a navigational change that intersected the flight path of the Millennium Falcon. Far far away comes incredibly quick at 1.3-parsec/min. The Millennium Falcon made a very slight course correction in an attempt to avoid a horrific Interstellar Collision. The freighter, now aware of this impending disaster, changed course yet again. The Millennium Falcon corrected once again trying to get back on the original course, but with the heavy cargo, was simply travelling way WAY beyond any speed considered remotely safe for any time space, and found itself in an IDW (Interstellar Death Wobble). Somehow, the Millennium Falcon was able to recover and dropped back down somewhere around 1.1-parsec/min without any Interstellar Collision, and stayed there for several minutes. Maybe the Force was with the Millennium Falcon. It's hard to say.

Knowing that Slave-1 and the Y-Wing would need time to catch up, the Millennium Falcon dropped out of Hyperspace and settled in at an easy 0.85-parsec/min. That’s when the Millennium Falcon noticed a strange ghostly freighter shadowing several ship-lengths off the port side. That is an incredibly strange sight, because NO freighter should be anywhere near the Millennium Falcon that soon after dropping out of Hyperspace. Yet, there it was. The freighter then turned on the red/blue laser notification beacons. The freighter wasn't a freighter at all, but a Star Cruiser from the Galactic Empire. Even the Millennium Falcon gets boarded occasionally. But at 0.75-parsecs OVER the Galactic Empire enforced limit, surely the Millennium Falcon would be taken to the Death Star and shoved into a garbage compactor. It wasn't.

There is more to this story, some interesting dialog with the Star Cruiser commander, how the group was able to reconnect, etc etc. ....but ya know what? ...it's all just Science-Fiction and no one is going to believe it anyway.
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Last edited by witttom; 07-12-2011 at 08:55 PM.
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Old 07-12-2011, 08:59 PM   #2
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Re: Kessel Run Boarding

So what "special" favors did you offer the freighter captain for not taking your ship for his/her collection of space junk? There must have been some discussion of a toll to be paid in order for you to continue on your journey.. I can't wait for the sequel! Do tell! Were you frozen in a provocative pose? Were you thrown into a pit with a man-eating beast? Wait! I'm sure that you were reunited with your crew just to find out that the freighter captain was to be offered a trade! Was that why the Y-Wing starfighter had to return on his own path? You are really killing us here!
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Old 07-12-2011, 09:36 PM   #3
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Re: Kessel Run Boarding

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So what "special" favors did you offer the freighter captain for not taking your ship for his/her collection of space junk? There must have been some discussion of a toll to be paid in order for you to continue on your journey.. I can't wait for the sequel! Do tell! Were you frozen in a provocative pose? Were you thrown into a pit with a man-eating beast? Wait! I'm sure that you were reunited with your crew just to find out that the freighter captain was to be offered a trade! Was that why the Y-Wing starfighter had to return on his own path? You are really killing us here!
You, you, you... WTH? It's just a story. If Princess Leia ever finds out, there will be hell to pay.
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Old 07-13-2011, 12:00 PM   #4
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Re: Kessel Run Boarding

Dude! I gotta hand it to you--I've always thought of super-slabbing as one of the most boring and mentally tiring exercises you could do on two wheels. However, you somehow have turned it into an f'n samba carnival with Romanian midget gymnasts, Etruscan veil dancers, clowns, hookers and blow!

Remind me to update my life insurance and bring large wads of cash next time I ride with you--assuming you're not being held as an endentured servant (sex slave to Jabba the Hutt) somewhere in PA....
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Old 07-13-2011, 12:47 PM   #5
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Re: Kessel Run Boarding

PA back roads suck. The speed limits were 45 on most of the routes I took to the "Grand Canyon of the East". What's worse, many folks were barely doing 45. Nothing wrong with the roads themselves, just unrealistic limits and pretty crappy drivers.

The slab was a good choice.
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Old 07-13-2011, 01:13 PM   #6
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Re: Kessel Run Boarding

And pLease dont eat any Scrapple! God knows how that will effect the fictional mindplay...
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Old 07-13-2011, 08:32 PM   #7
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Re: Kessel Run Boarding

Princess Leia knows what's up, but I hope she never figures out what 1.3-parsec is. She keeps asking the speed. I've not admitted anything. I'm gonna be frozen in carbonite.



Seriously. I thought I was going to jail. I mean, I really really thought I was gonna be hauled away. When I pulled over onto the emergency lane, I kept my hands visible the entire time when taking off my gloves, slowly removed my helmet, again keeping my hands visible. When the officer stepped out of the car, I kinda expected him to be all jacked up and ready to take me down, but he was actually quite calm and friendly. I asked for permission to step off. He said, "What?". I said, "May I step off the bike, sir?". He said, "Oh.. uhh.. yeah, sure.". When I stepped off, I turned to face him and immediately handed him my license. He never asked for it, nor did he once ask me if I knew why he pulled me over. You know that Nevada Police Officer that pulled over Burt Monro in the World's Fastest Indian? That was the dude. I swear. He looked it over and after a long pause (or what seemed to be a long pause... I may have been still recovering from a spacetime distortion), he said, "Ya know... I paced your buddies at 95-100." and went on to explain that he HAD to pull me over because the other drivers knew he was there, saw me go by at a high rate of speed, and it was expected of him.

That was my first indication that I might not be going to jail. It was the tone of his voice and a slight hint of sympathy for my situation. Odd, huh? I don't remember his exact words, but he continued to make observations beginning with my age (no hair on top, obvious gray facial hair, etc), my attire (full gear), my 'experience' (which I interpreted again, as age), and in so many terms... I wasn't a young pup looking for trouble. I sat on the guard rail while he walked around the bike several times and continued to examine my license. Strangely enough, I was not really upset. I think I had already come to grips that I was in BIG trouble but I was just honestly glad to be alive. He said, "So... these things really scoot, huh?" to which I replied, "Unfortunately sir, it would appear that you have already observed that for yourself.". He asked if the 'M' was a motorcycle endorsement in Ohio. He asked where we were coming from. He asked where we were going. All of my answers were short and precise. I was not saying anything that I did not need to. He then made mention, that he was a "Biker too", that he understood, and that he would be letting US off with a warning. He was taking up a lot of time. It was obvious to me at that point, that he wanted as many people as possible to see me with him on the side of the road, with lights flashing.

I continued to call him sir and I told him how much I appreciated it. It was about that time that Thom and Kevin rode by (man, that seemed to take forever). He asked if those were Triumphs too. I told him no... BMW and Ducati. He told me to slow it down, that I was now entering into a college area.

I thanked him once again and was on my way. I pulled off at the next two exits looking for my accomplices. They were nowhere to be found. I went another exit down, stopped, and sent them a text message asking if they were going to come bail me out of jail. I don't think they found the humor in it. They were a couple exits back, hiding around a corner.

I wish I would have got his name. I'd like to send that guy a Christmas Card.

.75-parsecs over. Yeah, I know... he didn't officially know. But... he knew.
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Old 07-13-2011, 10:34 PM   #8
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Re: Kessel Run Boarding

Accomplice #1 and #2 pulled off at the next road (about 1/2 mile away) where accomplice #1 (not me) stopped right at the top of the ramp.
I promptly asked "Are you F-ing crazy stopping here? Lets go hide someplace and text Tom." so we went about 1/8th of a mile and hid at an outpatient center that was closed and out of direct view from passers by (and the PENN-PO-PO)

I was afraid that the trooper would look for us next as he'd paced (Kevin); I was really only close enough to recognize the car before it squatted and scooted out of sight.

I would have been pissed getting a ticket! I never got over the speed limit once on that road.
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Old 07-14-2011, 12:59 PM   #9
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Re: Kessel Run Boarding

Hooligans
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Old 07-15-2011, 09:46 PM   #10
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Lucky guy

Tom, you are one lucky guy. Thank God you weren't on the scooter or I am SURE there'd be jail time, Mister!
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Old 07-16-2011, 08:29 AM   #11
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Re: Kessel Run Boarding

If you don't stop right now and buy a lottery ticket wherever you are...you are nuts!

Funny...the only time I can remember being pulled over and NOT getting a ticket was on that same stretch of road several years ago. Must have something to do with there being almost nothing out there but mountains and trucks. Must really suck to be a trooper out there.

Good for you guys! Enjoy the rest of the trip.
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Old 07-16-2011, 08:18 PM   #12
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Re: Kessel Run Boarding

I'm surprised that mangled, twisted up, broken Triumph can even go that fast.
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Old 07-16-2011, 08:24 PM   #13
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Re: Kessel Run Boarding

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I'm surprised that mangled, twisted up, broken Triumph can even go that fast.
It's all part of the illusion.
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Old 07-17-2011, 11:05 PM   #14
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Re: Kessel Run Boarding

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Originally Posted by witttom View Post
It's all part of the illusion.
These aren't the droids you're looking for...
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Old 05-31-2012, 02:40 PM   #15
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Re: Kessel Run Boarding

Ummm, did you visit the Northeast again?

Motorcyclist clocked going 193 mph on NY highway
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